I Don't Have a Plan

What’s your plan?
What are you doing next?
Do you know what job your going to next?

All of these questions I’d be asked as I was leaving my job.

I gave my letter of resignation along with three weeks notice. In the letter, I stated that I trusted the information would remain undisclosed from my colleagues.

Why did I do this?

I didn’t want to answer those questions.

I got really good at telling myself the good answers in my head.

I’m going to build a web application.
I’m going to study computer science and artificial intelligence.

Those were the good answers. I would tell myself that anyway. I was ready to throw one of those out if someone ever did find out and asked me why.

The true answer is that I didn’t really have a plan. I still don’t.

I don’t have any major goals or any type of five-year plan.

It just got to a stage where I thought a change was needed. I loved working where I was but I also wanted to make room for something else. I had to quit something I loved to make room to love something else.

I had read all the articles you could imagine. “10 reasons to quit your job”, “When to quit your job”, “How to quit your job the right time” (I literally read all of these at some point and time).

These helped but ultimately the one voice that stood out the most was my own. That was the hardest realisation of all.

The article I should’ve read from the start was the one being constantly replayed in my head.

I realised that the time would never be right and I just had to do it. I couldn’t ignore the voice in my head any longer.

The next day, I handed in my letter of resignation. I chose myself.

It was scary.

I can’t explain the feeling afterwards. It was incredible. Fear, excitement, happiness, sadness all rolled into one.

What’s next?

I’m here.

No major plan, no immediate goals. I’m just trying to improve my life in one small little bit every single day.

I’m not lost, I’m here.

Right now, relationships are the most important thing in my life. The relationship with friends, family and most importantly the relationship with myself.

Every day I’m trying to improve each of these by 1%. How can this improvement be measured? It can’t. That’s the beautiful thing about it.

Sure there are projects I’m working on, other things I’m studying but when it really comes down to it, I’m happiest when my relationships are happiest.

Maybe I do have a plan.